Humorous topics
- How to lose weight without losing your mind.
- How to get rid of an unpleasant roommate (without committing a crime).
- In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his or her level of incompetence.
- Work expands to fill the time available.
- Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.
- When life throws you lemons, make lemonade.
- When everything is coming your way, you are in the wrong lane.
- The things I’ve learnt at school: How to whisper/ How to text without looking/ How to look as if I am paying attention.
- When someone in class reminds the teacher about homework.
- If there’s one thing school’s taught me, it’s never to touch the underside of a desk.
- Punishment: Getting your seat changed for talking too much. Solution: …
- When my substitute teacher is meaner than your regular teacher.
- Trying to stay awake at school is one of the hardest things on earth.
- The awkward moment when you are the only one who did homework.
- Dear Teacher, I talk to everyone, so moving my seat won’t help.
- That feeling of awesomeness when you prove your teacher wrong.
- In boring classes, I improve my art skills.
- When your teacher says “Get out”, it means you won the argument.
- Switching names with your best friend when there’s a substitute teacher.
- That moment in class when you just want to scream “No one cares!”
- Mondays should be banned.
- Life should come with background music.
- Before Facebook, I had a life.
- All drivers were once pedestrians.
- When you get older, you will regret not taking all those naps as a child.
- Why does math feel like mental abuse to humans?
- Vegetables have feelings – stop carrot cruelty.
- How to survive a hippopotamus attack like a pro.
- The importance of wearing pajamas all day, every day.
- How to deny reality?
- Things to do in a traffic jam.
- My most profitable mistake.
- The ugliest fashions of today.
- Common sense is a flower that doesn’t grow in everyone’s garden.
- I am online, therefore I exist.
- The art of being annoying.
- How to save paper towels?
- Evidence that cats believe we are their slaves.
- Soup consumption frequency as a function of moustache style.
- Relationship between GPS users and flat-earthers is complex.
- How to be lazy like a pro?
- Why does everyone need a favorite kind of problem?
- Because of e-books, people cannot use the excuse that reading leads to deforestation.
- How to look smarter than you are?
- Behind every man, there is a woman rolling her eyes.
- True friendships survive auto-correction mistakes.
- If you want to know the truth about yourself, have a kid.
- Why do hiccups occur and how to stop them?
- In order to understand what life is all about, you should hang out with a 3-year-old.
- You are not weird; you are just a limited edition.
- Having a third arm is better than a third leg.
- How to confuse a telemarketer?
- Totally useless professions.
- Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.
- Why I don’t want to be a millionaire.
- How to win an argument when you know that you are wrong?
- Useless things everyone has in their house.
- Being lazy enhances your productivity.
- The worst advice you have given to a friend.
- The best part about taking a selfie.
- If you were a farm animal, who would you be?
- The weirdest smell you have ever smelled/eaten.
- The weirdest thing you are afraid of.
- What would be the absolute worst name that you could give your child?
- What is something that hasn’t happened yet, but would certainly break the internet?
- What is the silliest way that you’ve been injured?
- What old person tendencies do you have?
- What was your worst fashion disaster?
- If you could start a secret society what would it be called?
- If the color blue had a smell, what would it smell like?
- If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends assume you had done?
- Sum up the internet in one sentence.
- How many chickens would it take to kill an elephant?
- If peanut butter wasn’t called peanut butter, what would it be called?
- The worst “buy one, get one free” sale of all time.
- If you could be a colour, what colour would you be?
- How would you get to the centre of the Earth?
- England and the USA are two countries divided by a common language.
- A doctor’s reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die in his care.
- Those who can – do, those who can’t – teach.
- The trouble with her is that she has the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
- We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
- I am hungry, therefore I am.
- I am not messy, I am organisationally challenged.
- Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.
- You can lead a man up to university, but you can’t make him think.
- The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go worng goes wrong, it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.
- Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
- You live and learn. At any rate, you live.
- I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.
- I am giving you the right answers – you are asking the wrong questions.
- I hate television when it writes stuff at you.
- Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said: Cigarettes contain fat.
- Men – because of a tragic genetic flaw – cannot see dirt until there is enough of it to support agriculture.
- The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
- It’s money – I remember it from when I was single.
- I don’t know the key to success but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
- Men are born ignorant, not stupid – they are made stupid by education.
- One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.
- He was so learned that he could name a horse in five languages and so ignorant that he bought a cow to ride on.
- Never confuse motion with action.
- My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.
- Certainly I am innocent, Edith, but of what?
- Listen, Edith, I know you are singing, you know you are singing, but the neighbours may think I am torturing you.
- Aquaintance – someone you know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
- Bore – a person who talks when you want him to listen.
- Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
- I love my country too much to be a nationalist.
- Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.
- The window to the world can be covered by a newspaper.
- Sometimes you have to be silent to be heard.
- If you do not know his language, you will never understand a foreigner’s silence.
- I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
- It is better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
- When a subject becomes totally obsolete, we make it a required course.
- Success is getting what you want, happiness is liking what you get.